


The Price of Magic

by Kaleidoscope_Carousel



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 19:15:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1196379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaleidoscope_Carousel/pseuds/Kaleidoscope_Carousel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To see another’s memories is to look into their soul. When Belle takes advantage of the opportunity, will she be able to handle what she finds out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Price of Magic

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so writing this has been a bit of a struggle, except for the first couple of thousand words that poured out. I really want to explore the repercussions of Belle using the Dreamcatcher because she’s just so frustrated by being kept in the dark, in another sort of prison. So a lot of it is, in some way, a Belle character study when faced with certain situations.
> 
> Written in January of last year, so non-canon compliant after that point.

  
It wasn’t her fault! She was just curious, curious about who the man she loved really was. He wouldn’t tell her himself, so she had to find out in other ways.

The thought had planted itself in her head the moment Rumple had explained what the Dreamcatcher could do. She’d watched Emma use it, with difficulty, but Rumple had been teaching her a little bit about magic, and started to show her how to do it as well. Simple things, though. He had always warned her that magic comes with a price. Oh, how she wished she had listened.

It was alright at first. She’d managed to unlock the cupboard and draw the tail of the Dreamcatcher across Rumple’s sleeping body. It glowed with the same golden energy she’d seen before, but it was oddly shot through with sick looking bolts of green and purple. Magic, she supposed. Dogs were creatures of pure instinct, humans must be more complicated. She snuck quietly out of the room, prize in hand, and sat in the store concentrating as hard as she could. She drew deep breaths in and out, focusing all of her thoughts on the glowing energy in front of her. Slowly Rumple’s memories unfolded before her eyes.

Her heart broke for the man who was spit upon and scorned by his fellow villagers. It cracked again when his wife deserted him for a pirate, and she felt it seize with fear as she saw him take the curse of the Dark One upon himself. A desperate soul, indeed.

She could feel her stomach begin to turn as the memories progressed and she saw Rumple lose more of himself to the curse. She watched with horror as he chose power over his son, the very child he’d attempted to protect with his transformation. From there it only grew worse. The tangled web Rumplestiltskin had woven unravelled itself before Belle’s horrified eyes. She watched as he twisted fates as easily as he manipulated the words in his precious contracts. She held silent witness as he struck a deal with a simple miller’s daughter and little by little poisoned her mind and soul with whisperings of unlimited power, absolute control. She wanted to stop, wanted to look away but couldn’t bring herself to do so, not when she could feel there was so much more to the story.

She longed to close her eyes at the part where he killed his own wife in front of the pirate who had supposedly stolen her from him, and laughed as he did it. If he was able to so easily crush Milah’s heart to dust, what did that mean for her own, beating as if it wanted to push itself out of her chest and flee.

That heart froze as she watched the miller’s daughter, now grown and with a daughter of her own, use her powers again and again on the girl. It was not until the girl became a young woman that Belle finally recognised her, though without the constant expression of disdain and hate on her face it seemed almost as if she were another person. “Regina…” she breathed. Ignoring all the other chains of memory, Belle brought her focus to bear on this one, the one in which her most hated enemy was once a young woman just like herself, yearning for something her family would not allow.

Rumple had been watching the family for years, never approaching, just bearing silent witness. Until the day he spooked the young Snow’s horse as she was riding near to Cora’s cottage. Image after image sped through Belle’s mind. Rumple, teaching Regina magic, Rumple tempting her with power, Rumple asking her to take a heart, and tricking her into believing there was no hope for her love when she refused. Rumple, laughing in the woods with his cronies as he slowly shaped a young girl with a broken heart into a nearly unstoppable psychopath. Rumple, as he began playing both ends against the middle, signing deals with King George, and then eventually Charming, and Snow herself. It was not until she came to the part where Rumple explained to the Queen (Regina, no longer, Belle knew, not after everything) the exact limitations on his protection spell that she realised what was happening.

Everything that had happened since that fateful night with Bae in the woods, every deal, every spell, every step, had been laid carefully out in Rumple’s curse-twisted mind to reach the world his son had disappeared to. He had destroyed countless lives, literally bringing several kingdoms to war, to try and find the boy. To try and find the son he’d abandoned because he could not give up his power. The son for whom he’d not found a way to open a portal, despite his magic, a son for whom he’d not used Jefferson’s hat, nor the fairy’s magic to find. No. He’d twisted a young woman beyond recognition, cursed an entire Land, and exiled a child to grow up in a harsh, magic-less world alone, in order to be reunited with his own family.

She could hear his voice as the Dark One giggling maniacally in her head. “The ends justify the means, don’t they, Dearie?” She could see his crooked smile, his golden flesh, the way he always held one finger up in the air to emphasise his point. But it was the soft thump of a cane, and the much calmer tones he used in this world that finally broke her concentration.

“What are you doing?” It would have been better if he had shouted. His voice was soft, but the anger in it was palpable, electric, like the air before a thunder storm, or the sound of a dagger being drawn from its sheath. Belle dropped the Dreamcatcher and her mind was flung violently back into her own body. “Belle, what have you done?”

He came towards her but she scuttled backwards, facing him, her hands behind her desperately feeling for the doorjamb. “Magic always comes at a price, you know that.” His voice had dropped to a hiss, as if her terror stoked his fury. Finally, her fingernails found purchase and she reached up for the handle. “Belle!” he was shouting now. “Belle don’t go, stop!” But she was twisting the lock and out the door, praying that he would draw the line, at least, at using magic on her.

 

 

After what she’d seen, she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

She ran. She ran until her breath came in heaving gasps, and she could no longer ignore the pain that ripped up her side with the ferocity of a white hot wire pressed into flesh. She didn’t even realise she was crying until she brought her hand up to wipe the sweat from her forehead, and her arm came away drenched too, from where she’d rubbed it on her cheek. The effort of her panicked flight finally caught up with her and she collapsed. Exhausted limbs unable to carry her anymore, she gave in to the sobs that shook her whole body. Belle sat there in the dark of the night on a street in the middle of Storybrooke and cried until nothing else came except for hiccups, and the occasional tear slipping past her lashes and down her cheeks. Nothing made sense anymore. The woman she thought was her enemy had been turned into a monster by a man she thought she loved. Not that Regina was completely blameless. She’d had choices, and she’d taken them. But Belle now knew that Rumple was exceptionally good at reading people, figuring out how they ticked. He knew exactly how to play people so they would do what he needed done. He could recognise a desperate soul. Regina’s was certainly desperate. Desperate and love-starved, and yearning for a strong adult presence in her life. Not a mother who tortured her, or a father whom she adored but who stood idly by. Rumple could be very convincing when he wanted to be. She knew that now.

How much of their life together was calculated to protect himself? How much of what he did was still to find the boy he’d abandoned countless years ago? How could she trust anything from him anymore when his motives were still so cloaked in mystery?

Despite the roiling in her brain and her gut, the desperate run and the emotional drain of the evening took their toll and Belle could feel herself falling asleep. Unable to stop it, she curled herself into a doorway, as comfortably as she could. Before her eyes closed, though, she thought she saw a figure coming towards her. She made a weak noise of alarm, and then darkness claimed her.

When she awoke, she was in a bed. It was not her bed in the apartment above the library, nor was it the bed in the house behind Rumple’s shop. She recognised this place immediately, though. Somehow during the night she’d made it to Granny’s. And there, sitting on a chair knitting, was Granny herself.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” The old woman said. “I’ve got to go open the diner, so I’ll get my too-self-sacrificing-for-her-own-good granddaughter to come in when she wakes up. You know she was up half the night watching over you? Seems you were having some terrible dreams. She didn’t explain how you ended up here either, and not your own place. But I’m not sure if I want to know. Glad you’re safe, though.” Granny patted Belle’s foot through the blankets, and left, presumably to oversee preparations for the day.

Belle slumped back down against the pillows. Her mouth was dry, and her head pounded as if a herd of centaurs were dancing a reel inside it. Groggily, she threw back the covers, and with hesitant steps made her way into the bathroom where she splashed her face with water before pouring herself a drink from the tap. She peered at herself in the mirror, noticing the blood-shot eyes, and wildly tangled hair. She was also still wearing her dress from last night. Her shoes, she had noticed, had been carefully placed at the end of the bed. Finishing the inspection, and declaring herself a right royal mess, pardon the pun, she turned on the water to start drawing her bath. She turned it off quickly, though, when she heard a knock at the door, and a shy voice call her name.

Belle exited the bathroom and ran to the door as quickly as her headache would allow, she threw it open to reveal Ruby, standing there in a white t-shirt, and red and grey plaid pyjama bottoms. Belle recognised those pants well, Ruby had lent them to her the first night she’d stayed at Granny’s, before she’d had a chance to either collect what few items she had from Rumple, or buy new ones. They’d looked ridiculous on her, rolled up almost ten times and still seeming about six inches too long. Ruby was quite tall for a girl.

The girl in question still stood at Belle’s door, one hand rubbing self-consciously up and down her opposite arm, while she shifted nervously from foot to foot, as if they hadn’t seen each other in pyjamas countless times while Belle was living here, as if they hadn’t whiled away nights staying up and talking about anything and everything until three or four in the morning. Ruby was always a bit slower at work after nights like those, but she still had a cheery smile for customers, and a brighter one, it seemed, reserved for Belle, whenever she finally meandered her way into the diner for pancakes and an iced tea. “Sorry,” Belle stammered, stepping aside so Ruby could enter, “please, come in.”

“Thanks,” said Ruby, and padded in. It seemed to Belle that Ruby was on edge, like she didn’t know how to act around her anymore. It made Belle sad in a deeply aching way. Had she truly changed that much since going back to Rumplestiltskin? Had her love for that man chased away the bond of friendship she’d cherished between herself and Ruby?

“Ruby, are you okay?” Ruby laughed, short and harsh. It wasn’t the way Ruby used to laugh around her, especially when delighted about introducing her friend to new and wonderful things about this strange world.

“I was about to ask you the same thing. I found you asleep in the doorway to Archie’s office, Belle. You’d been crying so hard you woke me up. I was so scared.”

“I’m fine,” Belle lied.

“I’m not Emma, but even I can tell that’s not true. No one falls asleep crying in a doorway at 11:30 at night if everything is hunky dory.” Ruby sat down on the unmade bed. “I’m your friend, Belle. You can tell me.” She stumbled slightly over the word “friend” and Belle wondered if Ruby truly believed in that anymore. Whatever the case, she was here, she was listening, and she was looking at Belle with warm eyes, even if Belle couldn’t read them the way she used to, before everything.

Belle’s heart lay solid and heavy in her chest, though, and she could feel the tears building up behind her eyes again. She sat down next to Ruby and before she could help it, everything came spilling out. The Dreamcatcher, the plan, and the awful, horrible memories that she now shared with Rumplestiltskin. With her voice shaking, but determined, she told Ruby how he found her, how he frightened her in that moment now that she knew what he was truly capable of, how she ran until she collapsed across from the diner. She dissolved into tears again, clutching Ruby’s shirt and sobbing into her shoulder. Ruby said nothing, but she held Belle until the tears stopped, and ran her hand up and down Belle’s back, soothing her gently.

Once she’d calmed down enough to speak, Belle leaned back and wiped at her eyes. “Thank you,” she said, “for everything. It seems like you’re always here for me, anytime I need you.”

“Of course!” Ruby exclaimed. “I’m your friend, Belle, I wouldn’t ever just leave you when you’re in trouble. And I’m sorry,” she continued, “I didn’t have a chance to say it to you before, but I’m sorry about what happened at wolfstime. I’m sorry that I locked you up, and I’m sorry that I sent someone else to set you free, but I also wanted to thank you so much for believing in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. That kind of friendship…” Ruby sighed, a deep long sigh, “that’s the kind of friendship that deserves keeping, that deserves fighting for, that deserves me rescuing you in the middle of the night, and just being there for you when you need it. So I accept your thanks, but the way I see it, we’re on equal footing here. Thank you, too.”

Belle couldn’t think of what to reply so she just flung her arms around her friend’s neck and hugged her close. It took Ruby a moment to respond, which made Belle frown slightly. Hadn’t all their contact been so much easier before? She’d even put her arm around Ruby in the diner the night that. . . that night. But then Ruby’s arms were around Belle, and Ruby’s face was buried in her hair, and Ruby’s voice was in her ear. “I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.”

Belle felt safe, so safe sitting here in her old room at Granny’s, being held in her best friend’s embrace. She could’ve stayed there for hours, but all too soon Ruby broke the hug and sat up straight. “I… I’m sorry, Belle, but I have to go get dressed. I was supposed to open with Granny this morning but she let me sleep in because of last night. I do have to work, though. Are you gonna be ok here? I mean, I can always get someone to come check on you, or you can swing by the diner. It’s just a short shift today, so I’ll be free this afternoon if you wanted to talk, or something.”

“Thanks, Ruby, I appreciate that. I don’t think I’ll need anyone to check in on me. I’ll just have my bath and get dressed, or re-dressed, I suppose.” Belle chuckled, ruefully.

“Oh I totally forgot!” Ruby jumped up. “Just one second.” She ran out the door and returned a few moments later with an armful of Belle’s clothes. “These were in the dryer the day you left, and I kept forgetting to give them back to you. Sorry about that.” Ruby dumped the clothes onto Belle’s bed. “I can lend you a bag, too, if you wanted to take this all with you.”

“Oh how wonderful! After last night it will be so nice to get into some clean clothes.” Belle said, hesitating before plunging ahead and asking, “But do you mind if I leave some of my things here? I’m not expecting to have another night like last night, but it would be nice to know that if I ever do need to stay, for whatever reason, that they’ll be there.” Ruby smiled at Belle’s request, although Belle noticed that her smile was dimmer than the one she remembered.

“Of course. You know you’re welcome anytime. I’d better get going, though.” Ruby stood, awkwardly, for a couple of moments then turned and hurried out the door. Belle sighed, and headed back into the bathroom to finish up with the bath.

Once she was freshly cleaned and dressed, Belle pulled on her shoes, grabbed the room key that someone (Ruby, or Granny, she supposed) had left on the nightstand, and made her way downstairs to the diner. Her stomach was growling ferociously, and she was in desperate need of a nice, strong, hot cup of tea.

The bell over the door tinkled as she came in, causing the few people in for breakfast to look up, then quickly avert their eyes to focus on their meals. They didn’t used to do that, she would at least get a cheery wave or a nod from some of these people. At least Ruby looked pleased to see her, she mused, as she sat down at the bar.

“So, short stack and a spot with a twist for you this morning?” Ruby asked, grinning.

“I don’t know what that means, but if it has something to do with tea and breakfast, then yes.” Belle responded.

“Coming right up,” Ruby said as she popped out of sight into the kitchen to deliver the order. She returned shortly, and gently slid a steaming mug of tea towards Belle. Belle smiled, Ruby had even remembered that she took it with lemon. “Pancakes’ll be ready in a few. And I made sure that your syrup goes on everything, too. I’m so glad we agree on that, otherwise our friendship would be in grave danger.” A bell went off in the kitchen, and Ruby was away again, carrying plates of food, chatting with customers, and taking the time out to gently rib Granny now and then.

Belle was glad that Ruby seemed more chipper than she was earlier this morning, although the gleam in her eye seemed almost too bright, and her mannerisms somehow exaggerated. Belle was worried that the happiness her friend was projecting wasn’t truly felt. Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of her food, and the jingle of the bells above the door again. She didn’t have to turn around to know who had arrived. The atmosphere of the diner changed abruptly, all conviviality sucked out with the breeze. Only two people had that effect on the townspeople of Storybrooke, Regina and…

“Rumplestiltskin.” Granny’s tone was cold. “What do you want? We paid the rent last week.”

“Isn’t a man allowed to come in for a cup of coffee?

“An ordinary man, yes, but you hardly ever pop by for a simple cup of coffee. What is it this time?”

“I want to see Belle.” Belle froze. She knew he could see her, she could feel his eyes on her. And until last night, knowing he was looking at her would have caused nothing but warmth to flood her veins. Now? Now she was cold, even with the mug of hot tea held tightly between her hands.

“Well, maybe she doesn’t want to see you.” It was Ruby’s voice this time. Calm, collected, strong. “So I’d suggest you turn around and leave. Now.”

“Get out of my way you mangy cur,”

“No.” There was a sudden wind, and a crashing sound, and Belle whipped around to see Ruby and another waitress in a pile on the floor, food, drink, plates, and cutlery spread out around them. Rumplestiltskin was advancing on Ruby, cane in the air.

“Stop!” Belle shouted, “Rumple, stop it! Leave her alone. I’ll talk, I promise, just leave her alone.” Rumplestiltskin lowered his cane.

“Very well. But not here.” He shot a disdainful glance at the mess, and at the glaring patrons.

“Belle, no.” Belle looked at Ruby, who was picking herself up off the floor. “I don’t trust him.”

“He won’t hurt me, Ruby, I promise. I’ll be back soon.”

“Alright. Just…just watch out okay?

“I can take care of myself, I’m a big girl. But thank you.” Belle squeezed Ruby’s arm as she passed her, following Rumple’s retreating back out the door of the diner.

She realised she’d forgotten her sweater, as soon as she made it down the steps. The wind bit at her exposed arms mercilessly, and she drew them close around herself. Rumple was standing on the sidewalk, seeming diminished somehow, so much smaller than he had been inside.

“Why’d you do it Belle?” He asked, all traces of the fury of Rumplestiltskin gone from his voice. “Why’d you have to go and do something like that?”

“Because I wanted to know you. The man you are. How can you expect me to trust you when you keep hiding yourself from me?” He wouldn’t look at her, so she grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face her.

“I’ve done a lot of things, Belle, a lot of bad things. But they were all done for people I love. I didn’t want you seeing who I was, and then this happening. You running. Can you understand that?”

“You hurt me anyway, Rumple. If I’m going to love you, I need to love all of you. Even if that means the dark parts too. I’m just so tired of fighting all the time. I’m tired of fighting you and fighting for you. You really don’t make it easy.”

“I’m trying, Belle. You know I am.”

“I do. But what I don’t understand is why you are still acting like you are under the Dark One’s curse? There was no magic here, but you were, no, you are still playing the puppet master. You’ve thrown away lives like they didn’t even matter to you. I know you love me, but is that enough? It wasn’t enough for Baelfire.” Rumplestiltskin’s eyes narrowed and he grabbed Belle’s wrist, tight enough to hurt.

“Don’t you talk about him. Don’t you talk about things you don’t understand. I have tried for years to find him. Years!” Belle shook her head and gently broke his grip with her other hand. He let her.

“I do understand though. I saw your memories, remember? You chose power over him, and you’re still choosing power. You enjoy playing your little games, and I’m still just a piece on the board, even if you place me as the queen. You spent years crafting an intricate plot to get Regina to bring us all here. Or if not her, then you would have used someone else. She gets the blame, you find your son. That works out for you, but what about the rest of us?”

“I didn’t force her to cast that curse.” He spat.

“No, but you knew she would. You’d been grooming her for it since before she was born. I’m sorry Rumple. I love you. I do. But how can I be with someone I can’t trust? Please, just let me go. Prove to me you have changed, and let me go.” It was Belle’s turn to look away. She couldn’t watch the tears form in his eyes.

“Belle…I,” He sounded so broken, but she knew she had to be strong.

“I have fought and fought for you, but sometimes strength is knowing when to give in. Maybe we can give it another shot, someday, but right now I think you need to concentrate on finding your son and fixing that part of you. I need some time to figure out which battles I’m going to pick. Goodbye, Rumple.” Belle drew a deep breath, and walked away.

From behind her, she heard him call her name once, twice. But she didn’t look back. She walked through the door to the diner, and let it close on that part of her life.

Inside, a couple of the waitstaff were mopping up the mess, and Ruby was sitting at the bar holding an ice pack to the back of her head.

“Oh Ruby,” Belle said softly, laying her hand on Ruby’s knee. “I’m so sorry. You’re not hurt badly, are you?”

“I’m ok, Belle, really. And it’s not like it’s the first time he’s done something like that to me.” She tensed suddenly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re with him and I should respect that because I’m your friend bu-“ Belle hushed her by placing a finger against her lips.

“Not anymore.” She said. Ruby’s eyes widened, and Belle dropped her hands to her sides.

“What?”

“I said I’m not with him anymore. Maybe one day we’ll be together again, but this world is so much more complicated than ours. And even there, true love’s kiss was supposed to break any curse. I think that might be true, but I also think someone has to want to be set free for it to work. He doesn’t, or didn’t, or, I don’t even know anymore. Not really. I’m so tired, Ruby. I’m so tired of running up against a wall because he just won’t let me in. I can’t win. I’m just so tired.” Belle felt herself being gathered once again into Ruby’s strong arms as the ice pack clattered to the floor.

“I wish I could tell you it’ll all work out Belle, but I don’t know that for sure. You’re right. This world is so much more complicated than ours. I don’t even know if true love exists here. Maybe all we can do is love, and hope for the best.” Belle sighed into the embrace.

“Here’s to hoping, then.”

“Yeah,” Ruby replied, “to hope.”


End file.
